[timado404]

This is old but still funny, it's a list of actual gripes by Quantas pilots, and the mechanic's responses.....
P is pilot S is mechanic;

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. No's 1, 3, and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
Enjoy!

Still classics...

 

[Oishi]

Yup, it's old and prob.posted before, but when I read the "wanders on the road at high speed" post, I just had to re-post.
It's kind of like the "chili cook-off judge" one that has been around forever.

 

[DSGT]

I’m a bus driver . When I have a bad day, I look in the rear view mirror at my passengers, and mutter to myself “you’re all assholes, aren’t you ?“
Then I tap the brakes twice so they all look like they’re nodding yes .

 

[DSGT]

 

[BrianGTC]

 

[DSGT]

In related information ( to the above post ) , IKEA’s founder died in January 2018.
His funeral has not been held yet, it’s still pending assembly of his coffin.

 

[Catmanv2]

The current CEO of Ikea has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden. He expects to have his cabinet assembled by Monday.....


C

 

[DSGT]

This may be buried in here somewhere ( in a previous post ) but I’m too lazy to scroll through all of them, so at the risk of a repeat , here it is , nonetheless :

 

[IamStig01]

View attachment 142107

Don't call me, I suck at assembly, but I would use this for the pizza oven!!!

 

[BrianGTC]

Don't call me, I suck at assembly, but I would use this for the pizza oven!!!

That'll fire your oven for the rest of your life!!

 

[IamStig01]

That'll fire your oven for the rest of your life!!

and it would be that short if my wife had anything to do with it and could get away with it!

 

[DSGT]

 

[DSGT]

Random thought of the day :

According to animal experts : “ Tigers have markings on their ears which act as illusory 'eyes' to discourage other predators who normally hunt and attack from behind “

Now I’m less afraid of tigers, and much more terrified of whatever the f**k a tiger could possibly consider to be its predator

 

[GT/MC 4ME]

You got that right lol

 

[timado404]

Agreed! If there was something regularly preying on Tigers, humans would go the way of the Woolly Mammoth!

 

[DSGT]

Spotted this in our company’s parking lot today.. at least they’re honest about the car’s performance and have a good sense of humor about it ( the latter not a very well known attribute of Prius drivers ..)

 

[DSGT]

she just happens to be blonde, and yes, it’s a silly stereotype but this lady is not helping much to dispel that..

and next to that video is one of a puzzled looking dude trying to do the same thing .. and he’s not blond

 

[Oishi]

Why's a blonde's belly button always chapped and sore?
Her boyfriend is also blonde.

 

[ddsski]

That Tesla blonde ........wow........I suspect her brain operates in the lowest quintile.

 

[DSGT]

I was struggling to think of excuses for her.. maybe it’s her brother‘s / sister’s / kid‘s car she had to drive somewhere for the first time that day ? Maybe a rental car ? Maybe a loaner from the dealer where she took hers in ( seems unlikely ; doubtful real cars dealers would want to promote e-cars in any way unless they have an e-model of their own already, or launching one soon ).. or, maybe she thinks it’s a hybrid ? Otherwise, I can’t imagine anyone can be that dense ..