A little humor to brighten your day ….
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A classic car story :
An elderly lady calls her ( equally elderly ) husband who was driving at the time ;
She : dear, didn’t you say you’re taking Hwy 152 on the way ?
He : yes , that’s the one , why ?
She : I was just listening to the news and they’re alerting the public that there is someone driving in the opposite direction on that highway and causing chaos .. please be on the lookout, and do be careful !
He: you’re telling me ! I’m witnessing this right now, and it’s not just one, there are hundreds of idiots driving the wrong way, I almost got hit several times !!
An elderly lady calls her ( equally elderly ) husband who was driving at the time ;
She : dear, didn’t you say you’re taking Hwy 152 on the way ?
He : yes , that’s the one , why ?
She : I was just listening to the news and they’re alerting the public that there is someone driving in the opposite direction on that highway and causing chaos .. please be on the lookout, and do be careful !
He: you’re telling me ! I’m witnessing this right now, and it’s not just one, there are hundreds of idiots driving the wrong way, I almost got hit several times !!
One for distracted pedestrians .. I see them all the time, not a week goes by when one of these bozos looking at their phone crosses the street in front of oncoming traffic, and what ‘s even more annoying is they often do it in close proximity to marked crossings ..too lazy to walk over 50 ft or so and use the crossing button to set off the alert lights .. ugh, rant over .
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I don’t mean to be a Grinch, however....
…to those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, would you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together!! Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my margarita out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to drive. It's just too much drama, even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding. (Please keep this going and steal this post like I did...😉) . Sometimes you just need to smile 😂...
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I know right..I had to tell the 2 hookers sitting in the back seat to wipe the cocaine off their faces while they hold down the 3rd because she doesn't have a seat belt...stop unfolding these damn crinkled up dollar bills cause it's too hard to drive between the lines and count this [email protected]@t, especially while yelling at my pastor to put his damn pants back on! 😩
I was going to wait until closer to Christmas to post, but hey, now's as good a time as any.
Stolen from Ivan the car nut over on Fchat......
'Twas the night before Christmas and out in the shed
Sat a tired old Maserati, its battery dead.
Its fenders were rusted, the floorpan had holes
The seats and the carpets had been eaten by voles
The tires had dry-rot, the gas tank was leaking
A turn of the wheel sent tie rods a-creaking.
So I put on my coat with a weight on my heart,
And went out to the shed to get it to start.
The engine turned over--there arose such a clatter!
I knew from the sound it was water pump chatter.
From under the dashboard there came a bright flash:
The wiring harness had just turned to ash!
Ive had it with Maseratis I finally swore
Enough is too much! I cant take any more!
When what to my red, teary eyes should appear
But a little Italian (hell, I need a beer!)
Buon giorno, he said, poking me in the belly.
You needa my help? Im Giulio Alfieri.
This one can be saved; there is no reason to grieve.
All you need is some faith--Man, you gotta believe!
A hammer! Some duct tape! Get me more tools!
When you work on these cars, just make up-a da rules!
Well get her cranked over no way that she will stall
(But stand over there with you back to the wall.)
A cough and a sputter, the cacophony stunning--
I couldnt believe it! The damn thing was running!
The ghost winked at me and said, kicking a tire,
Whatever you do, DONNA TOUCHA THIS WIRE!
The old man then vanished amid sneezes and farts
But when the smoke cleared he had left me some parts.
So I opened the shed door and let the top down
Put pedal to metal and went out on the town.
And I thought to myself as I missed second gear
Merry Christmas to All and a Happy New Year!
Stolen from Ivan the car nut over on Fchat......
'Twas the night before Christmas and out in the shed
Sat a tired old Maserati, its battery dead.
Its fenders were rusted, the floorpan had holes
The seats and the carpets had been eaten by voles
The tires had dry-rot, the gas tank was leaking
A turn of the wheel sent tie rods a-creaking.
So I put on my coat with a weight on my heart,
And went out to the shed to get it to start.
The engine turned over--there arose such a clatter!
I knew from the sound it was water pump chatter.
From under the dashboard there came a bright flash:
The wiring harness had just turned to ash!
Ive had it with Maseratis I finally swore
Enough is too much! I cant take any more!
When what to my red, teary eyes should appear
But a little Italian (hell, I need a beer!)
Buon giorno, he said, poking me in the belly.
You needa my help? Im Giulio Alfieri.
This one can be saved; there is no reason to grieve.
All you need is some faith--Man, you gotta believe!
A hammer! Some duct tape! Get me more tools!
When you work on these cars, just make up-a da rules!
Well get her cranked over no way that she will stall
(But stand over there with you back to the wall.)
A cough and a sputter, the cacophony stunning--
I couldnt believe it! The damn thing was running!
The ghost winked at me and said, kicking a tire,
Whatever you do, DONNA TOUCHA THIS WIRE!
The old man then vanished amid sneezes and farts
But when the smoke cleared he had left me some parts.
So I opened the shed door and let the top down
Put pedal to metal and went out on the town.
And I thought to myself as I missed second gear
Merry Christmas to All and a Happy New Year!
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