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We’re currently painting our house and yesterday when my wife bent over to pick up a can of paint , seeing her in those tight pants and bent over like that brought back memories of our youth , so I couldn’t help myself and I pulled her pants down , then pulled my pants down and we just went at it with abandon, like rabbits . Well, it seems that we’ll never be allowed back into Home Depot again . Those people have no sense of romance !
 

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My bartender can beat up your therapist
 
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Siamese twins walk into a bar in Toronto and park themselves on a bar stool.

One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; as you can see, we're joined side by side at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian draft beers, please.

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on vacation yet, boys"?

"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees.

"Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country ... the history, the beer, the culture ..."

"Nah, we don't like all that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they're so pompous and the beer is watery and warm."

Bartender asks: Then why keep going to England?"

"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."
 

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Siamese twins walk into a bar in Toronto and park themselves on a bar stool.

One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; as you can see, we're joined side by side at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian draft beers, please.

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on vacation yet, boys"?

"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees.

"Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country ... the history, the beer, the culture ..."

"Nah, we don't like all that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they're so pompous and the beer is watery and warm."

Bartender asks: Then why keep going to England?"

"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."
Bruuuuuhhhhhh..... :ROFLMAO:
 

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Try New Zealand next year
 
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Having dinner tonight, and before ordering the food I asked the waiter to bring me a martino.
He said : you mean a martini .. I said : no, I only want one, if I wanted two or more of those I would have said martini . ;)

( Italians will definitely appreciate the joke )
I simply can't stand it (screeching nails on a chalkboard) when I hear someone order a single "panini" instead of the correct single "panino". Likewise, when folks want some "brushetta" instead of the correct "brusketta" (correct spelling is, of course, bruschetta). There is no "k" in Italian... so Italians put a c and an h together and pronounce them as a "k". Same as pa ti' na.... No!, it's pa' ti na!
 

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And by the way, they are sharing a spaghetto. Yes, one single “string” is a spaghetto. :)

Tableware Cartoon Food Carnivore Fawn


Yeah, the “ bruSHetta “ mentioned by what must be 90% of waiters out there is indeed annoying . Not that one should expect people to know how to pronounce various combinations of vowels and consonants in a particular language other than theirs, but if you’re a waiter in an Italian cuisine restaurant, learn the basics for heaven‘s sake !
 

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Two guys grow-up together, but after Military Service one moved to Georgia and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf.
At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf, and head for lunch.
"Where do you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why Hooters?"
"They have those servers with big boobs, tight shorts, and gorgeous legs."
"You're on."
At age 42, they meet and play golf again.
"Where do you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Again? Why?"
"They have a cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."
"OK."
At age 52 they meet and play again. "So where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters.
"Why?"
"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."
"OK."
At age 62 they meet again.
After a round of golf, one says, "Where do you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."
"Good choice"
At age 72 they meet again.
Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts."
"Great choice."
At age 82 they meet and play again. "Where should we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Because we've never been there before."
"Okay, let’s give it a try."
 

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Boy their minds failed at 42
 
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