A little humor to brighten your day ….
241 - 260 of 538 Posts
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.
My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there's a new strain out there.
It’s not my age that bothers me, it’s the side effects.
I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.
As I watch this generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I'm sure of .. it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
Me, sobbing: “I’m not coming back here anymore ... I'm not going to let you hurt me again." My Trainer: "It was one sit-up.”
As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.
I haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four U.S. presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.
Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round...and laughed and laughed and laughed.
I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.
I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.
My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.
Apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found “Mute" by now.
So you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it?
There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is, once you get old, you stop being polite, and start being honest.
I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.
My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there's a new strain out there.
It’s not my age that bothers me, it’s the side effects.
I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.
As I watch this generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I'm sure of .. it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
Me, sobbing: “I’m not coming back here anymore ... I'm not going to let you hurt me again." My Trainer: "It was one sit-up.”
As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.
I haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four U.S. presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.
Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round...and laughed and laughed and laughed.
I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.
I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.
My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.
Apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found “Mute" by now.
So you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it?
There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is, once you get old, you stop being polite, and start being honest.
Emergency preparedness tip :
I keep pre-cooked bacon in the fridge which I’ll put in my pockets in the event of a hurricane, a tornado or an earthquake . That way, if I’m trapped under a bunch of rubble, rescue dogs will find me first !
I keep pre-cooked bacon in the fridge which I’ll put in my pockets in the event of a hurricane, a tornado or an earthquake . That way, if I’m trapped under a bunch of rubble, rescue dogs will find me first !
2013 GT/MC SportLine Blu Sofisticato - Black w/Yellow stitching and calipers
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896 Posts
Yup...I see it multiple times daily...😡 Learn how to merge dumb asses!!!!
Ugh...don't get me started on the others who are doing 50mph when every one else are doing 75-80...
Ugh...don't get me started on the others who are doing 50mph when every one else are doing 75-80...
And rubberneckers in the fast lane who slow down nearly to a grinding halt to gawk across a 4 ft. concrete wall highway divider, at some fender bender on the other side‘s opposing traffic direction just because there is a police car or ambulance with lights on or even just a tow truck yanking the cars out of there . I have been stuck in miles-long jams , to the tune of a couple of times a month because of that ..opposing highway traffic accidents with absolutely nothing obstructing the direction in which I was heading . And we‘re talking about four lanes in each direction..all jammed . 🤬😡
too funny ( IMO ) not to share .
youtube.com
Californians Adjust To New Life In Texas
This couple left California due to the cost of living, crime, taxes, etc. etc. etc. But now they're not so sure they can get used to living in Texas! #shorts...
youtube.com
Another oldie but goodie
A man sits next to a woman at a bar. He asks her : would you have sex with me for $5,000 ? She responds : Yes, sure . Then he asks her : How about for $ 20 ? She snaps back at him : Hell no, what kind of woman do you think I am ?! He responds : We’ve already established what you are, we’re just haggling over the price now…
( and genders can be reversed in the joke , if any ladies here wish to do that…
)
A man sits next to a woman at a bar. He asks her : would you have sex with me for $5,000 ? She responds : Yes, sure . Then he asks her : How about for $ 20 ? She snaps back at him : Hell no, what kind of woman do you think I am ?! He responds : We’ve already established what you are, we’re just haggling over the price now…
( and genders can be reversed in the joke , if any ladies here wish to do that…
)241 - 260 of 538 Posts
