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· Registered
4,635 Posts
I know right..I had to tell the 2 hookers sitting in the back seat to wipe the cocaine off their faces while they hold down the 3rd because she doesn't have a seat belt...stop unfolding these damn crinkled up dollar bills cause it's too hard to drive between the lines and count this [email protected]@t, especially while yelling at my pastor to put his damn pants back on! 😩

· Registered
4,635 Posts
This is old but still funny, it's a list of actual gripes by Quantas pilots, and the mechanic's responses.....
P is pilot S is mechanic;

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. No's 1, 3, and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
Still classics... :D
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